Facing My Fears
After all these years of being on this earth and learning my life lessons, most of them the hard
way, you would think I was “done”. Not so.
Just recently I decided to go “public”, another way of coming out of the proverbial closet. I
started this blog and to really stretch my growth, I also began a podcast.
Well, I made just a one-minute clip to walk my way through the process. Mind you, I am much
older than any of this technology so that in itself was a challenge. Fortunately, I encountered
people on this journey who knew much more than I do and not only took up the task of setting it
up, but most of all, encouraged me and motivated me to step into the unknown.
Facing my Fears
That is where it gets hairy. Probably not for most of you but for me it was a daunting task. I made the first podcast. Only one minute long. Just a test. But what happened next was a major
surprise to me. After I listened to the recording, I had a panic attack! My heart skipped a beat and I burst into tears; deep, heartfelt sobs. I couldn’t grasp what just happened.
So, I practiced what I preach and sat myself down and began the journey of discovering insight and awareness. Any of my clients will tell you that is the first thing I ask when they arrive:
What insight have you gained this week and what are you aware of now that you did not know before?
I sat quietly, began rhythmic breathing, used my EMDR tapping, and just let my brain follow the path to the source of this emotional breakthrough. Because I have been doing this process for so many years, it didn’t take much time and effort to get there. I knew it wouldn’t kill me; it just felt that way. But something was trying to kill my spirit and it was time for me to begin another hero’s journey to find a hidden part of myself that needed to be healed. I won’t go into the details, but the realization that I was terrified of exposure; fear of criticism, ridicule, judgement, rejection, even to the point of feeling like I would be exiled from the “community”. After many years of therapy, I discovered I still had hidden fears and pockets of dysfunction that I had no idea existed.
Of course, I also realized that it wasn’t me, the adult, but the frightened child who experienced the wrath of getting too much attention. From early childhood: a jealous mother and perfectionist father. Then during school years from catholic school nuns.
Facing my Fears
Life is a journey, not a destination. I often have to remind myself of that, as well as my clients.
As long as we are alive, we have lessons to learn about life and how to enjoy it, not just settle for enduring it because we don’t step out of our comfort zone due to some deep-seated fear lurking under the surface. I won’t just go away. You must seek it out by stepping into the unknown and reassuring yourself that you are no longer a helpless child. You now have power, choice and control and the ability to handle whatever lesson life sends your way. After all, if you survived your childhood when you had no power, choice or control you are now capable of finding a
solution.
I hope these are words of encouragement to all who are seekers and searchers. Who want to discover who they truly are, not just what happened to you.
Namaste
ok